Hello Downriver,
Crazy gramps did it again: out of the clear blue he has now threatened 100% tariffs on China — on top of the 30% tariffs that already exist — and put the stock market into freefall.
Again.
Yep, it was in April that his announcement of across-the-board tariffs on countries around the world (including one populated only by penguins) — prompting a massive selloff on Wall Street.
And impacting retirement savings for tens of millions of Americans.
Welp, he just did it again — and a quick check of our finances showed a literal overnight loss of 2% of our retirement savings.
When will someone please take the cellphone away from crazy gramps?
He isn’t helping anyone — except pals who knew he was going to make the announcement and shorted their portfolio – and made a bundle on illegal insider trading.
Just to be clear: we’re not in a trade war with anyone.
The Trump admin may call it that — so they can brag about winning some kind of vague battle with other countries — but in fact Trump’s indefensible tariffs are a one-sided imposition of terms.
No one attacked us; gramps attacked them — if you want to continue with that “war” metaphor.
And making matters worse, it’s the American people — and American small companies — that are the victims in this “war.”
Thanks, gramps; we LOVE higher prices.
More hits on the way
As we all know, Congress is at an impasse over the budget, shutting down our federal government — because crazy grandpa and his Trumplicans want to further destroy healthcare for Americans.
First they gut Medicaid in their disastrous big ugly bill — that they can’t run away from fast enough — and now they want to let expire the expanded subsidies for Affordable Care Act coverage.
That means insurance premiums will AT LEAST double for those who use the ACA for their healthcare.
In fact, some congressional lawmakers just learned that their own kids’ premiums are going up by more than 100% — getting an up-close-and-personal lesson on the impact of their actions.
It’s hell when the real world nudges its nose under the Washington tent, isn’t it?
The crazy godfather
Speaking of the shutdown: Gramps has said that he’ll pick and choose which furloughed federal workers will receive back pay while denying it for others — even though they’re ALL legally eligible to get backpay once the shutdown ends.
Fortunately, lawmakers on both sides of the aisle in Congress have said “not so fast,” saying that ALL federal employees were guaranteed back pay when the government reopens.
But here’s the truly sick part — coming from gramps himself: “For the most part, we’re going to take care of our people,” but “there are some people that really don’t deserve to be taken care of.”
And then he threw in this nice little mafia phrase that the second group would be taken care of “in a different way.”
What, with a whack?
Yeah, leave it to gramps to try and sound like a godfather wannabe, but coming across — again — like a crazy old man.
Who’s really in charge?
With the obvious deterioration in gramps’ behavior, memory and statements, you have to wonder who’s pulling the strings behind the scenes.
It ain’t gramps.
For example, he didn’t even know about Hegseth’s planned drag performance in front of our military until after the fact, and then desperately needed to have the last nonsensical words.
So who’s running the Pentagon?
Who’s got a finger on the button?
Who’s running the economy?
Who’s running much of anything?
It sure ain’t 79-year-old gramps.
Get the hoses ready
For mayors looking to fight back against the invasion of their cities by masked ICE agents, I think they should resort to a tried-and-true method of dispersal: turn the fire hoses on them!
Sure, it would be provocative, but no more so than armed, masked men-in-black hauling American citizens — including children and seniors — out of their homes and zip-tying them in the dead of night.
Turn the hoses on them!
It would have been a harmless, but wet, welcome to the Texas National Guard when they showed up in Chicago.
Who should be jailed?
Speaking of ICE invasions: Gramps now says that Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker and Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson should be jailed “for failing to protect” ICE agents.
You know, the people who show up armed to the teeth, dressed all in black, without visible ID and with their faces covered?
You know, the kind of people you’d avoid on any streetcorner in America?
You know, the kind of people who should be arrested themselves for what they’re doing to American citizens they arbitrarily detain without warrant or cause in haphazard raids?
But here’s the sick fact not lost on anyone: It’s gramps who’s the 34 times convicted felon — and would have been charged and probably convicted in a number of other cases.
That is, if the corrupt Supreme Court hadn’t given him unprecedented and unconstitutional immunity.
So, hey gramps, shut up: You’re only three years away from your immunity running out — and prison cells calling your name.
Biden derangement syndrome
Everyone worth their membership on the Far Right have consistently called our 10-year look at the egregious behavior of crazy gramps as “Trump Derangement Syndrome.”
But here’s the thing: Gramps has, without fail, criticized and attempted to lay blame on Joe Biden for one foul up after another by gramps’ own administration.
Indeed, gramps can’t give any speech whatsoever without calling out Joe for one reason or another — which is the very definition of gramps’ own “Biden Derangement Syndrome.”
He should take something for that. Like a long nap until 2029 — he’s already nodding off at public events — or resign and go back to bed.
Can they get an editor?
Is there anyone in the White House offering tutorials on how to use social media?
I mean, first it was Secretary G.I. Joe Hegseth misusing the “Signal” group chat to invite a journalist to a secret meeting — then following up weeks later by sharing military attack plans on his private phone with his wife, brother and personal lawyer.
Then it was gramps himself forgetting how to send private messages and instead using his social media site to order Attorney General Blondie Bondi to bring charges against former FBI Director James Comey, Sen. Adam Schiff and New York Attorney General Letitia James.
Oh, and let’s not forget how FBI Director “Krash” Patel blurted out “facts” in the murder of Charlie Kirk before knowing them there facts.
(It was all about the clicks, wasn’t it?)
Yep, they all might want to get some Gen Z’er or even a Gen Alpha to hold forth on how to use a damn phone.
Or stay off ’em.
The little man with the big claims
Finally, I don’t know if you noticed, but this weekend’s anti-Gramps rally across the country has been labeled a “hate America” rally by that small man sitting behind that big desk in the House of Representatives.
You know, the Congressional version of Alfred E. Neuman of “Mad Magazine” fame?
Yep, it was this little man — the Trumplicans’ fourth choice for Speaker of the House a mere two years ago — that called out Saturday’s “Remove the Regime March” for a lame attack.
“They have a ‘Hate America’ rally that’s scheduled for Oct. 18 on the National Mall,” the little man said, his voice squeaking with outrage.
“It’s all the pro-Hamas wing and, you know, the Antifa people.”
But here’s the best part: He said that Democrats were delaying the re-opening of government until “after that rally because they can’t face their rabid base.”
Rabid?
If you mean disgusted by the excesses of gramps and his Trumplicans — and this little man — then I guess I’m foaming at the mouth.
Sadly I won’t be at the march Saturday; I have to be somewhere else.
But I’ll continue to protest the gross attacks on our Republic — endorsed by this little man — with my words.
To read my other essays, check out Substack.com and look for me at “Farrandipity.” It’s free. Craig Farrand can be reached at: craig.substack@gmail.com.
